Reverie of Phantasm

Reverie of Phantasm


I awake from my perfect daydream,
Rendering reality from my minds glean,
My fantasy of distance is lovingly obscene;
I glance at the sky and see it drifting away with a heart heavy as coal,
The longing I feel so yearningly with every part of my soul.
My wistful whirring lingers on,
My daydream whispers a silent song,
That natures vibrance curls round each one,
And hums a tune, the sky answers to one:
"You are lost", she says, twirling time between her fingers,
Sorrow becomes her face as she listens to such sadness, while my tears sting her.
I am far off the beaten track, my winding story offers no comforting glee,
Yet I feel the sky's whisper following me,
My guardian of element, her beauty is astounding.
A reaffirmation of my desire leaves my heart pounding.
I look at her vastness in a spellbinding awe,
Will I ever see her from a different place, a happier time in lands of lore?
The wind carries my thoughts to a far off place,
A whirlwind of pipe dreams found in every face,
Turning and falling into the sky's soul desire,
Is what binds me to this place, no matter how my future is dire.
I will dream of one day leaving, but my doubts will occur,
And when I approach rest, I will stroke deaths cold fur;
And listen to all my daydreams from past years as they re-emerge.


Rose xx

Patterns

Hello! Okay, I haven't posted any new poems for a while. I've been working on a few, and this is one that was written one night at silly o clock. It's about following the rambling journey of a mind's unrest that doesn't know which way to turn.. Let me know what you think please! Enjoy xxx



Tumbling Patterns

A bow to the wicked;
A smiling nod to a demons eye.
I shall wait for you on my side of this path,
With a furrowed brow and heavy sigh.

I want to understood your climb,
'Cross bridges; up ladders, into this expanded mind,
I see once furtile fires and lush green copses wilt away;
The darkness of thine mind, appears it is there to stay.
A trifle of lust lost along a broken trail,
A gift from you to signal such betrayal.

While whimsical winds flutter against a breeze of wills,
Creeping darknesses flux across majestic hills,
Subsiding sunshine this fragile is as longing as it seems,
Titanic forces as this of nature's once grim gleam.

They create a fairytale of darkest days,
Their reaches flow deep in waves slowly ebbing at my core,
Sick shattered shadows is all that's left to linger ever more.
Forms of great cities in my mind portray a dance of faith,
A faith in me,
A faith in love,
A faith of tepid hate.

Proportions of crumbling pillars gracefully melt into the tidal sea,
Swimming across, floating around to their resting places next to me.
Whirlpools of memories madness drowns my mind within itself,
A semi self-inflicted mercy of depth, dangers of losing myself in such stealth.

A bright star appears in the midst of this drowning blue sea;
A reach for a light so afar, yet so close to thee,
There is a wonderment of sorts;
Like Shakespeare's tomb in thine thoughts,
A reaction of abundance shocks thousands onto dry land,
A step in the right direction, followed by a step into quick sand.

You must listen to the smallest of sounds,
Quiet fluttering heartbeats growing so loud;
In their quiet existence they live so proud,
Ever waiting for their echo, in anticipation they grow louder too,
Like the protrudence of man's kind shunted on cue.

My heart oscillates a reconnaisance of love evermore,
Only to find shards of living men lurking outside the door.
The pitter patter of this heart of mine,
As peaceful as languid and violent crowds,
One beautiful day will light up my smile again,
This flutter shall remain locked until then;
Safely in keep under sincere opaque clouds.


- Rose 

Delicate...

Soft, fragile bonds cautiously reached out hoping to find
Compassion and warmth from the humanity of mankind.

Alas, they were greeted by ice, a seemingly endless stream of cold,
Ascending showers of darkness cracked through the world from below.
This tainted the life we live, unfurling mistrust, being unwanted and used,
An eternal fear of hurt, left us too scared of defeat to lose.
We have become like delicate crystals, as fragile as mica or gypsum,
Yet we are expected to be callous, to question all that is kind and winsome.
The fragility of trust, is so easily broken with each person's blackest thought,
Others' harsh words and cruel actions are designed to leave us distraught.
So the kindness we give, can be shattered with lies,
Our strength and honesty tricked by disguise,
A delicate soul is so lost in this world, whose heart has grown so dark;
Our only hope, is for these souls to leave their noble mark.
Their gentle nature can once again bring warmth to Earth's core,
To teach mankind how to feel real love once more.
Still, there are those who would use cruelty as their life's guide,
So beware of those whose minds have become treacherous places to hide,
For they will purge and ignore a delicate soul to rob them of their light,
Leaving such fragile wonderment as lost and cold as they are in the deepest of night.

However, once broken, as a delicate soul is a figure of such light and ethereal aeriform,
Their tender warmth and loving hearts fade into resolve, at the eye of this bitter storm.

- Rose

Insight

These are the words of a mind that's torn.

Giving in to images and urges so forlorn.

Afraid to live, yet afraid to die,

Apathy prevents solace, the embitterment of my soul and I.

Am I built to be alone and love one who’s unknown and unclear?

Yet again, caught in a sea of the familiar pain of my peer.

I curse myself,

Too many shadowed thoughts cloud my mind,

One words answers instead of what once resembled happiness so kind,

These words shall not shine through such opaque water,

A journey so bleak you cannot help but falter.

Follow in line, another break down, melt down, again I am here no more,

Displacement, tremble in the fear of losing myself, losing yourself, losing itself forever more!

Those deigned to help seem to resemble the devil, the anti christ, the lycanthropic demon,

Their supposed happiness crawls so elusive in the dark of the PhD heathen.

Snapped back to reality by a calm voice hard to behold,

You are dragging yourself down, I am told,

You allow this state of being, I am told,

By the one who thought a few choice words could make the past disappear.

I am told my head is too dark for you to hold,

Onto the nearest black horizon shall I steer.

Such paranoia will ask;

Will you give up on me,

Are you here for status?

For money?

Do you have a caring side?

Are you as detached in your medical notes as you are in real life?

You fake emotions that burn in my mind as you sit across from me,

With that cool, sympathetic smile and dispirited eyes,

Your lackluster understanding camouflaged as care,

I can see right through you with one simple stare.

But a room full of them, watching me as I stew,

Professionals apparently knowing my mind as I do,

Reminds me of a hospital bed with doctors peering round corners to see the mad girl,

In a haze of sterile, bleached smells how my head does whirl.

I thank you for your textbook thoughts,

The words of other people stolen and rewritten by your hand,

Do not toy with my head and it's onslaught.

My mind is your playground,

Poked by different people, diagnosed, medicated, a state of me to be,

This is my minefield, my nemesis, my own treachery.

Denial is just another form of passive hatred in the bitterness your professional opinion has caused in me.

  

All I know now is your exasperation and frustration,

That I do not get better with each visit in desperation,

That my mind is still subject to it's own poisonous woe,

A past aching from deep inside my mind it does show.

So just make an appointment,

Next time I will be fine,

Just complain for an hour,

While less than sympathetic eyes roll around my words,

Your replies;  apathetic and concerned.

Aloof recommendations, they hurt inside my head.

You don't want the responsibility of my descent on your time, or on your mind instead.

- Rose

Dream The Night Away

I survive in a galaxy of my elusive dreams,
My bubble of safety, of comforting seams.
On a wave of imagination I wonder what I will find,
Surrounded by the colourful pillars of my mind,
Into the gloom, Into the light,
Each tale as unique as the moonlit night,
Enveloping mystical golden hues, oh how they flair!
Spirits of such mumbles seep through clotted orange air,
Ruptured lush valleys slide into warm seas,
As dusting's of snow mingle on high topped peaks,
Iridescent autumn reds glisten along the earthy banks of the creeks.
Swimming through circles of colours unknown to such eyes,
I set sail across the beauty of the ocean's blue tides.
Lilac posies and yellow roses spring up from the ground,
Concerts of perfumed flowers sing soft, sweet sounds,
Underwater, in the sky, across vast space and land,
I travel the universe but as it crumbles like quick sand,
In my flickering eyelids as my mind starts to wake,
Journeys of imagination begin to break,
But tonight, my dreams I will visit once more,
For dreams are the keys to imagination's doors.

Futile Fantasy

Two little words that mean less than I,
The lack of feeling in your eyes makes my heart need to fly.
The deepest of yearning, the sorrow with which you speak,
Stalks the demons in my head during my ever darkest streak.
Following my deepest thoughts down into an eternal black hole, 
I wish forever to be away from that which takes it's toll.


Ignorance and pain, they can both live hand in hand,
Together, yet so far apart thrust in this foreign land,
So far from a homely voice, an ever loving touch,
The coldness of my soul sighs to the shatters of which I clutch.
Emotions so intense they crush my mind under such weight,
A despair so hungry for my soul, egregious an attempt to satiate.


Darkness becomes the sacrosanct,
I breathe through it with such consequence,
Few know the true road of the unknown and unfair,
Yet so many walk along the same train tracks in mid-air.
Souls from lives past lay frozen beneath a rocky path of life,
Sucked into an oblivion through the lonesome blackness in their strife,
Yet others walk away unscathed, unaffected by the trials of which they fight!


If only we were all spared such torment from this land,
The chance to all walk towards the future, forever hand in hand,
But such dreamy tales of fanciful thoughts amount to nothing in this world
For as I know inside such minds, a cruel lifeless void can unfurl


- Rose

The Gift

Always life is a gift
Clutched in nature's arms we exist
With unclear purpose nor reason
Untold destiny and fate
Happiness thrives inside love, dies inside hate
Though depths of the mind may make life negate
A gentle touch of kindness and warmth can elate


Life is to be cherished, a gift to be sustained
With love's often embrace through all of time's refrain
Life must be endured throughout the anguish and the pain
But to ease such aching sorrow through life's rocky lane
Are gifts to ourselves in our desperate times of strife
Like the warmth of compassion, empathy, the laughter in our lives

So look up and around, take in all you see and knew

As the wonders of living are all around you

-  Rose

_______________________________________________

This poem is probably a bit hippy-ish. It is about gratitude for what is around us. 

On the 2nd December, it was one year since I tried to end my life, and I began to think what had changed for me since then. For me, often the beauty and positivity in this world gets lost in the hatred, death and misery that surrounds us daily. Sometimes our minds and emotions become hardened, apathetic to what we see.  With such negativity that surrounds us, it can be easy to overwhelm and overload ourselves with negativity, making it harder to see the good things in life through the ever more dense fog that is depression.  But the positives are still there.. they just need to be found. 

:)